A male friend of mine gave me a revelation some time ago that shocked me. He lamented how a colleague of his who drove an expensive car kept asking him for loans. His anger was not directed at his request but at the fact that he was still taking the bus a.k.a trotro. The man in the “big car” asking the man riding in the bus for money; how interesting! I asked him whether he obliged his requests and he said he sometimes had to, because at times his colleague did not have money to even buy fuel.

So what is the logic in driving a big car when you have to borrow to maintain it, I enquired? He told me according to his colleague; it was the only way to woo the woman of his dreams. Bam, I got the picture! After all, how many women would give out their phone numbers to the man in the bus when another with an important looking car was after them? This has led to a saying by men that women don’t like to be told the truth.

Are you aware that some men borrow their friends’ cars in order to attract women of so-called higher class? Do you know that some drivers have posed as owners of their masters’ vehicles just to get women into bed? Are you aware that the fact that a man drives a big car does not mean his character is bigger and better than the man walking along the road? Do you know that some men who have nothing to do with recruitment have lured women into bed with the promise of securing jobs for them? All they need to do is look important they don’t need to actually be important.

A friend of mine almost fell into a dangerous trap when a man who perceived her to be of a higher class tried to deceive her into his bed. He called her out of nowhere singing her praises about how decent he had heard she was despite her beauty. That he was ready to get married and had been admiring her from afar. He even went as far as praying with her anytime they ended a conversation because he had done his homework well. Single at 30, my friend who I will call Martha was initially so excited because that was what she had been praying for. The man had introduced himself as a Dr. (PHD) in human resources and sounded so gentlemanly.

The only problem was that she had not seen him in person even though she had grown fond of him by constantly speaking to him on phone. He called for long hours and was impatient for her to say yes to his marriage proposal. When she told me I was excited for her because it seemed like a dream come true. I asked her to see him in person before encouraging him further. She arranged a short meeting at her place of work during lunch time for her first glance of Dr. Perfect and Spiritual. I couldn’t wait for the feedback as I was curious to find out how he looked and carried himself about.

When she called after work, I didn’t wait for the phone to ring twice for the juicy piece of information. The earlier excitement in her voice had dimmed and I sensed all did not go well. According to her, the man who had described himself as fair skinned  was rather chocolate colored. He was short and not of a medium height like he had told her on the phone and had a not so perfect accent like he had on the phone. Additionally, although he drove an Audi A6, the driver with him was unprofessional in his relationship with his “so called-boss”.

Martha had great observational skills and even the smallest detail could not escape her so I knew something was not right. According to her, even the guy’s suit did not seem to fit. That was enough for me to tell that the so-called Dr. of human resources was a scam who was in to make of fool of my wonderful friend. We suspected he had driven a borrowed car and posed with his friend as his driver. We decided to pray about it and see what else time would reveal. By divine intervention, he bared his teeth sooner than we thought. Martha deliberately spoke rudely to him on phone and for a man who had professed his love, his response was terrible. He insulted her before realizing too late that he had gone too far. That was it, goodbye to Dr. Human resources!

Two months later, I went to a wedding with an old university roommate who I had not seen for about four years. We began catching up and guess what? She described the same Dr. of Human Resources who had given her colleague at work a broken heart. Unfortunately, he succeeded with the lady and even duped her of quiet a huge amount of money. He had  promised to marry her using a different name. It was then that I realized the women he targeted had similarities of beauty, intelligence, moral decency and wonderful jobs. I thanked God that Martha had escaped the trap of this wicked wolf in sheep clothing because she had waited too patiently for a good man.

The lesson we can learn here is that we woman are easily swayed by sweet talks and material things. We are attracted by looks of importance and can easily be deceived if we are not careful. But if we are more discerning, we can learn to look beyond the physical to the quality of the person and not the quantity of things surrounding him. An important looking man is not necessarily a man of character or morals. An important looking man may look good on the outside but lack all the important qualities within.

In describing the relation a tree has to its fruits, Matthew Chapter 7: 16-20 states “16 you will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, you will recognize them by their fruits.”

When I graduated from secondary school and was finally allowed to braid and perm my hair, I was excited at the looks of admiration as I walked along the road. Drivers would stop to ask for my number as others shouted compliments. The only thing that saved me from the claws of these men was my snobbish attitude back then. I would just ignore them and go my way.  However, it felt exciting to have men who seemed important and driving interesting cars honking and admiring me. I was young and stupid!

I have never known the difference in grades of cars and usually qualify their importance by how beautiful they look. So for instance I would find a Tata more appealing to an escalade simply because of its beautiful color. When I told a childhood friend about how someone in an Audi had shown interest in me back in the day, she was excited. Audi! She exclaimed, Matilda that’s a very important car. Her excitement caught up with me and we went on and on about how important he could be to be driving such an expensive car. We now look back and laugh at how young and stupid we were.

As I grew older, I realized I could also work hard to buy a decent car for myself. I began to understand that the man in a car is not as important as the character of the man behind the wheels. Women are not the only victims when it comes to falling prey to the important looking man. Even the great prophet Samuel was a victim as recounted in 1st Samuel 16: 7Bottom of FormBut the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Unfortunately, like our mother Eve who was attracted to the forbidden fruit in the midst of the Garden of Eden, we women are attracted to what can harm us. My male friend who joined the bus was a very wonderful husband material. In reality, he had more money to take care of a woman as compared to the one behind the wheels who continues to borrow from Peter to pay Paul. But naturally, a woman will bypass the man who just got down from the bus to respond pleasantly to his peer in the important looking vehicle. After all we all want a better life and so even if we ride in the bus, we would want our partners to offer us more comfort.

My friend in the bus had slowly built his own house and was in the process of securing his own car. However, the other gentleman behind the wheels lived in rented apartment and was paying huge loans on his car. A lady who chooses the important looking man over the man in the bus may never know she just missed a potential husband.Things are not always what they seem and that is why it takes discernment and the wisdom of God to make good choices in such matters. When we attach too much importance to what we see with our eyes, it is easy to make serious mistakes in our choices.

Many women have disregarded good men simply because they did not look important. The important looking man may  turn out to be a huge disappointment. Some of these deceptions like what my friend Martha escaped have led to marriages with disastrous consequences. The important looking man is suddenly unable to satisfy his wife’s quest for more material things. His wife equates it to him not loving her anymore. He has to continue to lie to please her since one lie begets another and another.

Is it not better to tell the truth and be accepted for who you are rather than lying about what you don’t have? If we continue to buy into the phrase that women prefer lies to the truth, men will live to bear the consequences. On the other hand if we as women continue to prove that we prefer lies to the truth, we will reap the unhappy harvest of deceit. Many of us have written off our helpers because they did not look important enough. We meet them a few years after and are surprised at how much positive change has taken place. Unfortunately it may be too late. Remember, the important looking man may not have the important ingredients needed to sustain a relationship. “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised, Proverbs 31:30”. And so is the man!



  1. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry for your friend. It’s hard when you are looking for love to truly see the person. We put so much weight on it when God alone has the perfect plan for our hearts. Wish I knew that, wish I’d been a Christian when I was a young woman, but at least I understand discernment now!


    1. Yes Gina, discernment is not as easy as it seems. Fortunately, Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart
      and lean not on your own understanding;
      6 in all your ways acknowledge,
      and he shall direct your path.
      I am happy you are now very discerning. You have so much to share; God bless you!


  2. What an incredible story. You can never be too careful when it comes to men. As women, generally speaking, many do not look past the good looks, fancy cars, or money. Those things do not tell you if he is a man after God’s heart. Some men pretend to be godly if they realize that’s what you are about, which is why it is imperative in matters of the heart to move slowly. Ask God is this the person you are to be with. Then wait for God’s response. He will always bring what we need to know to the light.


  3. I once fell prey to both looks and appearance. The guy sold small private planes for a living, drove a fancy SUV and seemed to be interested in marriage, seemed to appreciate me for my intelligence and the conversations we had, but in the end he told me point blank he simply wanted a sexual relationship. I was very attracted to this man, but I did not abandon prayer or my gut instincts. We only went on one date and talked a few times on the phone, and God helped me understand that this was not the man with whom to build a life and family. Our values were quite different, though he said he was a Christian.

    This topic is important. We can all be deceived by appearances, and the one we think we are not sufficiently attracted to because of appearance can be the one we come to love more and more deeply as the years parade on. Discernment in prayer is vital. God knows what we need far better than we do. We sometimes see only what we want in the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Hillary, thank God for rescuing you in time. And thank you for sharing your experience with other wonderful women out there. It will help others become more discerning and prayerful in their decisions. God bless you!



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