THE PREMARITAL SEX THREAT

THE PREMARITAL SEX THREAT

When I tune in to relationship programs, I hear too often young women lamenting about how their partners have threatened to leave them if they do not give in to sex. Some of them sound so desperate it is as if their world has come to an end. What breaks my heart is that some fall prey to this blackmail. They actually give in to these premarital sexual demands against their will. Unfortunately, their partners sometimes find other excuses to leave them anyway. I have tried to get into the minds of these precious women to find out why they get themselves entangled in such deceit.

Precious woman, if any man who claims to love you makes such threatening demands of you, this is how I suggest you respond. “Do you not know that my body is the temple of God, I prefer God’s presence to your absence. So walk out and never come back, until you are ready to put a ring on my finger!” Open the door for him to walk or ran out depending on your mood. Instead of crying, jump and shout Hallelujah! Thank God for saving you from disappointment, guilt, heartache, unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and the list goes on. This may sound too harsh but the man who truly loves you will be patient until the time is right.

This suggestion may sound scary especially for a woman who has strong feelings for her partner. However, it may also be a way of escaping a dangerous trap. 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 says 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Threatening to leave you unless you give in to premarital sexual demands does not reflect the love described above.

In trying to answer the question of why a woman would give in to such threatening demands, five factors come to mind. 1. She may not have fully comprehended the love of Christ. 2. She underestimates how valuable she is. 3. She may be afraid of human beings rather than the God who cautions her not to defy her body. 4. She has not understood the plans God has for her and 5. She falsely believes she will be left alone, the rest of her life if she should say no and let go.

I recently wrote the words “God loves me unconditionally every day” and pasted it on my bathroom wall. I wanted these words to sink deep into my spirit and soul. I do not want to become so reliant on the love of fellow human beings that I get disappointed if my expectations are not met. As imperfect human beings, we are prone to make mistakes which can make us unlovable. We are sometimes rude, lazy, irresponsible, annoying, insensitive, immoral and selfish. These behaviors can make even those who truly love us keep their distance. I am yet to experience a time when Christ abandoned me because of my many imperfections.

We have heard so often that God loves us that it has become a Cliché. It is more romantic to hear Isaac loves you or Daniel loves you rather than God loves you. After all, can you feel the physical touch of God as that of a real man? Can you audibly hear his deep voice as that of a man that can make shivers run down your spine when he says “I love you”? Probably not, but we can be assured of his unconditional love for us. Romans 5:8, tells us “God commanded his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”. When we begin to truly believe in his love, no man or woman can ever make us feel unloved.

According to Matthew 6:26 “the birds of the air do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet our heavenly Father feeds them. Are we not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 10:29-31 also says “29 are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” So, whether we like it or not, we are valuable and must begin to see ourselves as such. The value we place on ourselves has a direct correlation with the value others place on us.

In Psalm 139:13-16 King David wrote “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” If you have ever doubted how special you are, let this verse serve as a reminder.

We are told in Psalm 111:10, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.” Fear here refers to the reverence we have for the Lord our maker. So in the scenario where a woman’s partner threatens to leave her if she refuses his sexual demands, her reaction will determine who she reveres, God or Man. 1st Corinthians 6:19 admonishes “19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own”. Precious woman, your choice speaks clearly of who you revere.

In Acts 5: 29 when Peter and the other apostles were warned not to teach in the name of the Lord, they replied “We must obey God rather than human beings! They were more concerned with pleasing God and did not care for their lives. So if you are asked to give in to sin to satisfy man’s desires, who will you obey? If the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom as stated above, then in such a scenario, we can say the fear of man is the beginning of folly.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This is one of my all-time favorite memory verses. It assures me that though life may not make sense at times, it is not the will of God to put me in harm’s way. So if a relationship threatens to harm you, please consider this verse. Be confident of the fact, that it is not the will of God for your life. The future is bright, all hope is not lost.

When a woman is desperately looking forward to getting married, it is easier for her to fall prey to such demands. For instance a woman in her late 20s or early 30s may feel she may be sabotaging her marriage by saying no. The fear of remaining lonely or probably not meeting a better man may make her compromise despite her Christian believes. Sadly, loved ones expected to give encouragement during difficult times sometimes do the opposite. They accuse the already confused lady of being unreasonable.

She is constantly reminded sometimes subtly, that her biological clock is ticking. They portray giving in to sex as such a small sacrifice necessary to secure a life partner. They may even go to the extent of telling her more horrendous sacrifices they themselves had to make to secure their husbands. In times like these, self -motivation is a necessity. There is also the need to always remember that we are accountable to God and not man. Precious one, God is capable of raining down manna from heaven! Will he not grant you the desires of your heart?

I love Don Moen’s song “God will make a way where there seems to be no way”. It speaks directly to the heart of a woman who finds herself in such a dilemma. Sticking to your principles may not make sense to others, but the day God honors your obedience, they will come to understand. God does not put his children to shame! Precious woman “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; Wait for the Lord! “ Psalm 27:14.

When you stand firm and say no to sin, you may lose friends, loved ones and even family. They may not accept your decision and may even reject you in anger. All of a sudden, you are left alone. The partner you boldly resisted is gone from your life; those you assumed you could count on are nowhere to be found. You feel all hope is lost and even regret your decision. You keep asking yourself if you made the right decision; you wonder if your principles are worth losing those you love. The devil wastes no time in reminding you it is not too late to change your mind.

But that is also a lie of the enemy; you are not alone according to Deuteronomy 31: 6. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” You are not alone, God loves you, you are valuable, he has good plans for you and in his time, he will make all things beautiful. Until then, Bask in his unconditional love, it is a free gift! Always remember, “God loves you unconditionally every day!”

photo credit: Conversation via photopin (license)

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20 thoughts on “THE PREMARITAL SEX THREAT

  1. Unfortunately, everything you have said about premarital sex, pressure from potential mate, family and friends, causes many women and girls to submit to sex. Our culture makes it seem as though everyone is doing it and if you don’t, you are weirdo. You are so right when you say we have to know who we are in the Lord to stand against the ways of the world.

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  2. I love your suggested response to being pressured into premarital sex. It’s perfect and I wish more people would use it (boys and girls). I tell my children they will never regret waiting. This is so very important and a gift they can only give once and don’t they want to be able to give that gift to their spouse?

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  3. I love this post. So real and true. I didn’t know any of that growing up. I grew up catholic but not reading the Bible. I went to church every weekend and enjoyed the rhythmic flow of mass. But I don’t remember anyone building me. I def. read NONE of those versus. Not until my late 20’s did I start reading the Bible. His word is so comforting and uplifting. I pray my daughter can see her worth as God sees her and be obedient in this area (as well as many others LOL) I have suffered sooo much heart ache due to pre martial sex. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I understand where you are coming from as i also grew up an Anglican. Sometimes we are caught up in religion and neglect having a personal relationship with God. I am sorry about what you went through but one day, it will guide the lives of others most especially your beautiful daughters. We all have our regrets is different areas of our lives. God will turn it around for our good and that of others. I am glad this post blessed you. Thank you Heather!

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  4. Thank you for sharing practical ways to combat this world’s messages of unrestrained sexuality – hearing words affirming God’s love (in Scripture and song) and reading them by writing them down and posting them where you can see them. Our young women need to be actively affirmed and validated by the older women in their lives. (I see your post as a call to action! Beautiful!)

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  5. I love this. It is so true on the feeling of being alone when you are standing firm in your faith. Especially in today’s culture where sex is everywhere. Lust and image scream at us it seems in every advertisement. I hope many women will read this post and be encouraged and inspired. Thanks so much for sharing!

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  6. Great article! I remember so many men in my youth made it seem like premarital sex was a requirement for a long term relationship leading to marriage. Reasons 1-5 were all me too! I was fortunate my only partner became my husband, but that too presented difficulties I could have avoided if only I’d truly known God and His love for me.

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  7. Good morning, Matilda! What truth you share in this. Sometimes doing the right thing now seems almost impossible, but if only we could see the long-term effects of doing the wrong thing that feels right we might have a different outlook.

    You are so right that continually getting God’s word and view of us-God loves me; I am chosen by Christ; God knew me before He formed me and He formed for a reason-in our faces all the time can make a huge difference. If that means note cards on the bathroom mirror, the car visor, our computer passwords, and our workstation at work, then so be it!

    Dropping in from Christian Women Bloggers & #TheocentricThursdays! Thank you so much for sharing your post with us!!!

    Blessings,

    Carrie Ann Tripp
    http://www.carrieanntripp.com

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is such an important topic, I think it’s harder today than it was in the past because people wait longer before settling down. The best piece of advice I was given about this is if a man can’t keep his pants on before you get married he will be the same after marriage, even when you’re not around!

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